Cold thumbs and go-gu-ma

So if you've ever heard the expression "so cold I put a roasted go-gu-ma down my pants" then you've probably spent sometime in Korea during the winter...or perhaps you just made the same expression up yourself, which is just wierd.

In any case, my point is that it's frickin' freezing here. This week the students asked me if my nose ring was actually a ice-booger. I let them think it was. This was slightly less impressive than last week when they asked if it was a diamond booger and I became something of a fantastical magical wonder, like the goose who layed golden eggs. But now instead, I'm just a really cold teacher who needs to blow her nose.

But not only is it subzero temperatures here, it's dryer than Ben Stein's sense of humor. I have my little humidifier going in my room around the clock and the only thing retaining moisture is my Beta Fish, Napoleon ...and even he's been asking for chapstick. My clothes are so staticy I feel like I'm wearing cling-wrap, and I look like Marilyn Monroe singing happy birthday to JFK (although, for me, I guess that's always the case). The only -yes, the ONLY- thing not so Monroe-vian about me is that my hair is in a constant state of electromagnetism. I'm working on quite and impressive 'fro which has been known to send shocks of static a distance of 3+ feet. How's that for an X-men power!? Staticia! The girl with the ability to shock an annoy all sweaters-wearing villians.

The dryness has also taken hold of my skin, which has begun to crack and peel like a roasted go-gu-ma (I really got you wondering what that is now, don't I) My thumbs are both currently in bandages wrapped tightly to hold the spliting skin together. Never again will I tolerate those who complain of being "all thumbs". You know what's worse than 'all thumbs'? NO THUMBS!! Give THAT a try for a day and then complain to be about your surplus thumbage! You and your excessive dexterity! Your smug ability to appose and grip with that most useful digit. The thumb is truly the finger of Kings! In ancient Rome it could grant a Christian life or death. It was the symbol of Cool for the Fonze and a generation of American Hipsters. Oh the thumb. How I miss you.

I think I'll go now and console myself with a roasted go-gu-ma. If only it weren't so damn cold outside.